Archive for August, 2014

Vanity

Posted: August 31, 2014 in Poetry

Vanity

How many of you can honestly say,

You don’t look in the mirror, day after day.

And see some things about your bod,

That you wish you could change because it looks odd.

What is it exactly to be labelled as vain?

Is it a bad thing? Is it profane?

Is it a compliment to those who look good?

Is it a word that’s misunderstood?

Vanity is the attraction to many, well that’s the belief,

But real beauty comes from what’s underneath.

You can style your hair and bronze your face,

But knowing someone’s heart is in the right place

Is the true measure of real grace.

But these traits of people, others sometimes don’t see

They see the people obsessed with their vanity.

We all want to look good, and take excessive pride,

We may think we look good, but really others decide.

So if you are a bit vain, you fancy yourself a bit,

This poem makes me think of the Carly Simon hit.

Vanity, you know, we all like to try,

To be the candy in someone’s eye.

Looking good certainly helps to attract a mate,

But the truth will come out on the third or fourth date.

Because after a time, your mate will see,

It comes down to more than your vanity.

A true person’s beauty is held deep within,

And not what we look like or what we’re dressed in.

 

Today has been a bat crap roller coaster of emotion… Well, the past couple of days really.

See, I had a job interview via Skype on Saturday (that was weird to start with). The job was to teach overseas – In new Cairo.

And, wow, what a place. I was offered a chance to teach either a Year 6 class (using the English Curriculum) or to teach Physical Education throughout the school. Both would have suited me down to the ground – especially the PE role.

I was offered a very good salary, a housing allowance and a multitude of other benefits.

I considered it a no-brainer and convinced myself that this would be a dream job for me. It was a secure two year contract. I impressed the interviewer and I received the offer almost straight away.

Most people I spoke to about it were supportive (although sad too that I was leaving).

I had to let the school know, if I was taking the job, by lunchtime today. If I accepted, I would leave on Monday 11th.

Well… I didn’t take the job.

Why?

Why?

Well… That’s hard to explain. No, not hard. I don’t want to explain. It’s upsetting.

Last night I was an emotional wreck really, and I was considering the feelings of others before mine, but I was still leaning towards taking the job. I would be wonderful at it, and the experience would have been fantastic.

Today, I woke (after a horrid night’s sleep) at dawn, exhausted and drained, but I still had an important decision to make.

I left the house early to find my answer. I spent 6 hours or so in a world of deliberation and mental battle.

I found my answer after a lot of hurt and anguish.

I made the right choice. I saw that my future in England could also be bright, with my creative writing workshops and teaching supply work – as well, of course, as writing my novels. These things are going to take some work to do and will mean me getting off my ass to be proactive. The job in Cairo was handed to me on a plate and I could have done it with passion and ‘standing on my head’.

I had someone else entirely in my thoughts as I made this decision. And although I would have seen them during holidays, and I could’ve texted and skyped them daily, I couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to physically be with them.

What if they needed me and I wasn’t there? What if they forgot who I was and even fell out with me for going? What then? That would kill me.

In addition, I would miss them with a passion.

So, I decided not to go.

I know I’ll regret it for a little while, Christ, I do already. I did the instant I said ‘No Thank You’. But the decision has been made, and I really hope I have made the people closest to me happy that I’m staying.

I think I have.

Let’s move onwards and upwards.

Roll on September.

NB… If I didn’t leave the house this morning, my thought process would have been different, and I would have taken the job. Being out, in a certain place, allowed me to gain perspective and make the right choice.