Holy hell…!!!!

Posted: October 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

Holy hell – Is that an Oxymoron?

I guess it is, but anyway, that’s not what the post is about.

Holy hell is a term I could use with regards to a recent direction giving episode…

Giving directions to a plank – this isn’t what I was doing… wait… no, I definitely wasn’t… That would have been easier.

Now, I wont mention the gender of the recipient of my ‘holy hell’ expletive (by the way, it wasn’t ‘holy hell’ I was actually using, but for my blog, I have to keep the language semi decent), but you can imagine.

When giving directions over the phone, all the recipient needs to do is listen and follow instructions.

Listen and follow instruction…

If I was to tell you, Mr or Mrs reader, to stay in the left hand lane, what would that mean to you???   ???   ???

Probably the same as it would mean to me – that is… get in the left hand lane and stay there. Not to query which one of three possible lanes is the left one!! And ask me several times what I could possibly mean by the left hand lane.

Me “Get in the left hand lane and follow it round to the left.”

Recipient “But there are three lanes.”

Me “Left hand lane – just get in it.”

Recipient “But there are three that go to the left and two straight on.”

(several more of these followed before the phone cut out)

How hard is it to comprehend a left hand lane – if there are three lanes and you are asked to stay left, wouldn’t the normal person get in the left hand lane of the three…??

After re-establishing connection, the conversation (now flustered and with me getting louder) continued… The left hand lane saga was safely negotiated.

At a tricky junction I was trying to speak to the recipient when suddenly I was asked about a police van with hawk eye technology. The question (paraphrased) was something like “why do police need birds of prey?”

I mean – Holy Hell..!!! I’m trying to guide a potential lost…. soul… and I get questioned about birds of frigging prey in police vans. Just focus on the road!!!!

( I was later asked the question again about hawk eye, but this time is was referred to as eagle eye or something)..

The recipient in this fun filled convo has no concept of how long a mile is either… Everything must be time based, but its hard to call when the direction giver cant see the traffic situation…

By now, ten minutes in, I was having a mare with the phone’s reception and with the dumb ass seeking my guidance… Frustration was building.

Bear also in mind that the roads were busy at this time, so roundabouts are always fun to guide around.. but it went to plan.

Now… when the recipient knew where they were, I still offered some advice, only to be met with a verbal barrage of “why when I say I know where I am must you not believe me and still give me advice of where to go?”

Well, reader, my response to that is simply ‘read the above again- evidence is all in the blog.’

The recipient of some expertly given guidance found their destination… Was I thanked for my help. Was I f… Erm, no I wasn’t – just criticised for being patronising… and threatened with a punch in the face if they saw me…

Holy hell…!!!


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